and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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