i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
