what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize