I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
