If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
