we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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