If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
