if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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