Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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