I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
