my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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