Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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