If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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