I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
