i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
