Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
