We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
