im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
