Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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