watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
