I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
