We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
