All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
