I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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