I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
