On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
