I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I think my fart just growled at me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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