Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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