woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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