Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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