If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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