Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
