Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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