i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
