How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
