we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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