she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
