I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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