wat bout pragnant strippers??
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
