In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
