ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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