I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize