she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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