Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
