THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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