last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
