i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
