So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
