glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
id be glad to
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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