hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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