I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
