she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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