he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
