After last night, I could never be a politician.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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