i think my tv is drunk
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
