I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
What a dumb baby whore.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
