I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
