Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
