I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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