I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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