At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
