I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
