She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
