I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
