used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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