made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
