I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
