i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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