CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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