he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
