meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
