Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
