I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
