i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
