i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
